Leap of Faith

I did my first case as an attending this week. It wasn't a big case, nor particularly elegant, but a big deal to me nonetheless. I literally had to step back and trust my training. I had to take a leap of faith and trust myself.

I was super nervous. I think there would be something wrong with me if I hadn't been. I thought about how to approach it. Struggled a bit, but overall, it wasn't bad. And since I hadn't operated in 3 months, I certainly forgot a few things. But more or less, I did it. With a 3rd year resident with few laparoscopic skills! Thank goodness for Grace Chang who scrubbed as well, so when I had moments of uncertainty, we could figure it out together.

What a great day! I learned so much about myself. So much about what I know. I learned so much about trusting myself. I realized that I could trouble shoot. That I had patience. That I could fix it if something bad happened. That I had good judgement.

I still need to work on gauging where the residents are. I still need to work on my own technique a bit. I could have gotten in the belly a bit better. I could have trusted the resident a little less...but all things considered, not bad.

I hope to be a bad ass in a few years, struggle through this time, and get to the point where I've seen it all and done it all on my own. :=)